I Will Acknowledge My Pain Is Real

I once met a girl in rehab. Her name was Sarah. She told

horror stories from her childhood. I can’t stop

imagining her, a child asleep on soft pillows

with puffy clouds. Blue & purple butterflies

with glittery wings. Blue & purple painted fairies.

Blue & purple unicorns with rainbow horns.

The smell of gin & tobacco crawling

between her sheets. Her father’s eyes dry & red.

She tries to close her thighs. His hands wrap

around her throat, thumbs pressing,

her head a champagne cork he wants to pop off.

She is numb, a blue & purple butterfly.

It’s easy to understand

how something so delicate can learn

to fly crooked with bruised wings.

But in my case, there’s no why.

It’s all about how: neurochemicals & imbalance.

Nothing makes me or breaks me.

I’m just built this way.

My pain is as real as anyone else’s.

***

(Cover image by SCHEMPP)

An excerpt from Happy, Okay?: Poems about Anxiety, Depression, Hope, and Survival

Confront Depression, Anxiety, Grief, and Loss through Poetry

Are the usual depression books helping you find a path to healing? No? Try this poetry collection especially for those dealing with mental illness and for people closest to them.

Create hope for the future. Paloma is faking it. On the outside, she’s A-Okay. She’s electrified at work, there is a cadence in her step as she walks her dog, she posts memes on Facebook, and she keeps up with most relationships. Looks can be deceiving, however. Inside, Paloma is just going through the motions, and she feels like things are spiraling out of control. But when things are at their darkest, dawn arrives with clarity and focus, and with it, healing. Paloma learns to value small glimmering moments of joy rather than searching for constant happiness, thus building hope for her future.

A manifesto for life. Happy, Okay?: Poems about Anxiety, Depression, Hope, and Survival is not simply a narrative spun in verse by a masterful poet. It is an invitation to readers to shake off the stigma and silence of mental illness and find strength in the only voice that matters: your own. It can be an electric roadmap to healing and a manifesto for wholeness.

In this inspiring and heartwarming book, you will:

• Understand how to make happiness a decision, even when you don’t feel it in your bones

• Find out how to exercise patience and self-acceptance

• Attract hope and purpose back into your life

Fans of Milk and Honey by Rupi Kaur, The Witch Doesn’t Burn in this One by Amanda Lovelace, Depression & Other Magic Tricks by Sabrina Benaim, Our Numbered Days by Neil Hilborn, or Nothing is Okay by Rachel Wiley will love Happy, Okay? by M.J. Fievre.